I'd like to share something precious and important that I've learned over the past few months. You could call this a testimony or a life philosophy, but to me, they are one and the same.
I want to start by saying that 2013 was a really hard year for me. I could go into all the dozens of reasons why, but honestly, they don't even matter. At all. The only thing that matters about 2013 is that I was stuck in a victim mentality, and I was in denial about that victim mentality. I thought of myself as a well-adjusted, optimistic individual and I really believed I was giving my life an honest effort. I was a fool. But only because I didn't yet know any better.
We, all of us, live our lives as victims at some time or another, some more than others, some a little less. We all think of this concept of "life" as though it is something that "happens to us" rather than as something WE MAKE. The truth is that regardless of "what happens to you", you brought that into being with your thoughts and actions. That is a heavy concept to grasp and you will automatically go on the defense - I guarantee it. If you didn't, you're lying. Haha I caught you!
Here's an example: I have pretty severe endometriosis and as a result of that disease, infertility. While I do believe that I have come a long way in my emotional healing and have indeed made good progress, nothing changes the fact that I was still acting like a victim. Endometriosis is what's so. It's just a fact of my life. There's nothing to "get", there's nothing "good" or "bad", there's no interpretation, it doesn't mean anything. Its just what's so. Me acting like a victim of it, was a complete and total invention by who? ME. I made myself the victim.Therefore, that attitude and mentality was always in my head, and those are the thoughts that drove my actions day in and day out. Victim: "Endometriosis happened to me, and that means that I'll never have children of my own." This statement is not fact. It is an opinion. A figment of my own imagination.
Alright let's get down to the good part. (If you've stuck with this post this long, I'm flattered you like me that much to be reading my obscure blog at all - seriously.)
The power of intent. What does that even mean? Everything in your life is a result of choices you've made, whether you think so or not. Sure, there are things out of your control, like endometriosis. I did not conjur that into being. But here's the secret: I don't have any control over having this disease, and that's okay. I don't have to have control over it. What I do have control over are my thoughts and actions. How I feel, think, and what I do about it. Sounds simple. But the magic is this: living intentfully, you will bring into being everything you create as a possibility for yourself. Its more than thinking positively. It's more than being optimistic. It's about changing your self-talk language from restrictive and limiting to what's possible and freeing. Its about taking your power back and stopping giving it away. Its about realizing that you are not, in fact, a victim and never were. By acting like a victim, I was bringing into being everything I was afraid of. I believed I would never have children. And guess what: I don't! I brought that into being by telling myself that all this time. "I don't have the money for treatments, I don't have insurance, I don't have this or that, that I need in order to start a family..." It was all a tragic story I was telling myself and by carrying these thoughts around all the time, they directed my action / inaction, which brought about the outcome of me not having children. Are you following?
Story Time.
I had a conversation with my mom toward the end of last year or the beginning of this one (can't exactly remember). We were both sort of having a little pity party, each for our own reasons, and trying to console each other and be a sympathetic ear. Finally after a long pause in which we each contemplated what to say next, I said something like, "No. This is unacceptable. Mom, I am tired of feeling like a victim. I'm done with that; I'm going to make 2014 different for myself. I am going to MAKE 2014 different for myself." And she replied that she loved the idea and she wanted to take control of her outcomes too. So we agreed that we would put that intent into the universe and before God, and make it so. I decided to begin by praying for guidance... And the answer came to my remembrance so clearly. The power of intent and creating possibility. A concept I had learned last year and at the time, I thought it sounded good in theory but I was a victim and it definitely couldn't work for me. Ha.
Example # 1: A few weeks later, I decided to take action for myself. I felt incredibly silly doing this at first, but I forced myself to do it anyway. On my commute home from work one day, by myself in the car, sitting in traffic, I said out loud, "Money comes to me SO easily!" because I had decided that the answer to all my problems was obviously money (haha I'm such an ass). I figured, this is silly and I kind of feel dumb talking to myself out loud, but.... what can it hurt to give it a try? A few positive vibes never hurt anyone. So I said it again and again all the way home, trying really hard to convince myself that I was being sincere.
I kid you not, 3 weeks later I got a huge raise at work. A month after that, Nate got a huge raise. Not only that, but we both received mountains of praise and gratitude in our reviews for our hard work from our employers. Not just from our direct managers either - from the owners of the companies. The OWNERS.
My thoughts directed my actions. My thoughts DIRECTED my actions. This is the power of intent.
Example # 2: Some of you are aware of what has been going on with our house. For those of you who are not, here's the shortest possible gist: When we bought our house, the title company didn't bother to transfer the deed to our names and submit it for state recording. However, we were still issued a deed with our names on it. So there were two trust deeds out there listing us and the someone else as owners. This person, the investment partner of the seller, decided he'd been cheated out of some money, discovered that he still had a deed to our property and decided to foreclose on it for some quick cash. As a result, our property has been the subject of 5 years of litigation regarding the rightful owner. In a meeting with our lawyers in April, I had a meltdown about the whole thing because it just wasn't fair! I was playing the victim again. A few days later, after I realized that I was following the same old pattern, I made the intention that "Things with our house WILL go the way I want them to." Nate and I became very intentful with our actions from that point on, calling, emailing, and basically harrassing the lawyers day in and day out. Lo and behold, a week after that, 5 dragging years of fighting for our house ended. OUR names were put back onto OUR deed, case closed, done and over. And this guy is being barred from continuing to appeal.
My thoughts directed my actions.
Here, I want to point out that a huge portion of my action plans for these examples was to pour out my soul to The Lord and truly exercise my faith and put my complete trust in him. After all, I know He knows me, and He will bless me with the righteous desires of my heart. I know that once I've given all that I can possibly give, He will make up the difference and that he has my best interest in mind.
Maybe it all sounds like coincidence to you. Maybe you're thinking "Well that's easy for you to say. I'm different. You don't know what I've been through." You're wrong. I do know, because I've been through the ringer too. Our trials may be different in type, but we've all gone through heartache and feelings of hopelessness. Your life is within your power. Take action. Be the cause. Stop giving it away. Maybe you're comfortable being a victim. The victim is blameless. But the victim never goes anywhere or does anything and their life goes by without them. Can't you see how absolutely ridiculous it is to act that way?? As Elder Uchdorf famously said, "Stop it."
I, for one, am looking at an empty, blank future and in which I've created so many possibilities that WILL come to pass. With The Lord's guidance and love, I will call them into being. Not "someday", not "perhaps if I have or do this or that first", not "eventually", not "it would be nice if". No. I do not have time for that.
And neither do you.
