30 by 30 Photo Album

30

Three decades.

The big THREE-ZERO.

As this milestone birthday has drawn ever nearer, I've found myself increasingly reflecting on my last ten years... pondering regrets, counting blessings, and wondering how things might have turned out differently had I made different choices. 

There are a host of things I always thought I'd do by age thirty that I haven't. At first I felt disappointed in myself... but then I realized that I was looking at it all wrong. You may or may not be familiar with the "30 by 30" trend that my generation has been passing around. I wasn't until I was already 28 and it was sort of too late... But it's a list of life goals that you make when you turn 20; things you hope to accomplish in the next ten years. The point is to give yourself motivation to always be working toward something worthwhile and encourage yourself to live meaningfully. 

I never made a 30 by 30 list. I wished I'd thought of it when I was 20. But I decided that writing one backward was just as good... Maybe better. Instead of focusing on the things I failed to accomplish, I was able to zero in on all the things that made me a better, stronger person. 

30 by 30 Photo Album

1. I married my best friend.

2. I bought a house and made it a home.

3. I owned a camaro and took it over 100mph at 2 AM.

4. I rode a motorcycle.

5. I learned to snowboard.

6. I learned to golf.

7. I became an NFL and NBA fan.

8. I understand fantasy football.

9. I have been blessed to have Nate all to myself for nearly a decade.

10. I drove across the country.

11. I learned who I am and developed the courage to be unapologetically myself.

12. I became an athlete.

13. I overcame personal heartbreak and tragedy.

14. I went on a cruise.

15. I learned to finally love myself.

16. I found a passion and shared it. 

17. I ran 5ks for fun.

18. I made new friends.

19. I changed my hair. A lot.

20. I changed my attitude.

21. I paid off debt.

22. I developed a real testimony and relationship with my Heavenly Father- one that is all my own and no longer reliant upon the testimonies of others.

23. I became self-reliant and self-sufficient.

24. I learned how to budget. 

25. I learned how to let go of control.

26. I learned how to heal a broken heart.

27. I did one frivolous, costly thing, all for myself, and I have zero regrets.

28. I learned how to get a job.

29. I learned how to love, forgive, and support another person unconditionally.

30. I learned how to humble myself and accept help.

I grew up, gained wisdom, and now I know what I want and how to get it. So here's to year thirty. It's gonna be legen - wait for it - dary.

My Hairs

I've gotten a whole bunch of questions about my hair and how I care for it. I love changing my hair with creative cuts and colors, but I'm also obsessed with keeping it healthy. And I've done a few irresponsible things to it that have fried it... Much to my own dismay. But the greatest thing about hair is that it will always grow back.

Many are perplexed to learn that not only do I only wash once, maybe twice a week, but I no longer use shampoo either. And that's even with working out and sweating hard 6 days a week. So how do I wash without shampoo? How do I keep my fire-engine red color from fading? And how do I hold onto healthy, split-end free ends that have been tortured with bleach? 

1. prenatal vitamins

2. drinking lots of water

3. clean diet

4. Wash only 1-2 times per week

5. Refrain from blow-drying

6. Refrain from iron (I only straighten/curl my hair if I can make the style last several days, and only the morning after washing and air-drying the day before.)

7. Use a t-shirt or pillowcase to blot dry, NOT A TOWEL. Towels have tiny little hooks that grab onto the follicle and tear it up, even worse if you rub your hair instead of blot. 

8. Heat protection spray

9. No ratting or back-combing

10. Leave-in conditioner

11. Embrace natural texture

Here's my wash routine. 

1. Gently brush out tangles with a paddle brush. Do not rake roughly or force the brush through.

2. Wet hair in lukewarm water, not cold, not hot. 

3. Apply conditioner, add a little water and massage your scalp with fingertips, NOT nails. Then gently comb through to detangle and distribute with a wide tooth comb. 

4. Allow the hair to sit with conditioner in while you finish your shower.

5. At the end of the shower, rinse your hair with cool water. This seals the follicle, reducing frizz and promoting shine. 

6. Gently squeeze out excess water with hands, apply a tiny amount of conditioner  from mid-shaft to ends only, and wrap gently in a pillowcase or t-shirt. 

I will keep my hair wrapped up like this while I get dressed, eat, brush teeth and put on makeup. Once all that is done, I take the pillowcase off, blot or squeeze out any water, and then shake my hair down. If I'm planning on straightening it the next day, I apply heat protection spray. When it's colored, I apply a color protection glaze. Then comb through it very gently with the same wide tooth comb and shake/arrange how I want it to hang with my fingers. If I want it curly, I apply a curl cream and scrunch by hand until it forms itself into spirals, then air dry. 

These were both straightened the day after air drying.

These were both air dried with conditioner and curl cream, and hand scrunched. In the top one I did not straighten my bangs; in the bottom one I straightened my bangs only.

If you decide to ditch your shampoo (and I hope you do because its so worth it!) keep In mind that it will take approximately 1-2 weeks for your scalp to adjust. It is used to over-compensating its oil production because shampoo strips natural moisture. If you can't stand the grease, put your hair in a ponytail, wear a hat, or slowly reduce your shampoo use one day at a time until you're totally shampoo-free. 

Good luck! 

~~~

Clean Eating, Part II

I received a very good question about how to change the way you think about food. Sure, saying it is quite easy. "I officially change the way I view food!" There. Done. But putting it into practice is another story entirely.

It's been a long and difficult journey for me to finally begin to understand nutrition and I could not find the right words to describe how I changed my mind about food. So don't get frustrated if you find it difficult to change your thinking on a dime. It's a process, like everything. Be patient with yourself.

I want to share an article from www.bodybuilding.com called "8 Stress Busters" by Courtney Prather that I found extremely helpful in shifting my mindset from "Food is an emotional or social experience." to "Food is fuel for the machine God has given me."

Hope this inspires you as much as it inspired me.

8 Stress Busters

My favorite part of the whole article: "Next time you find yourself at a bakery and see that red velvet cupcake you long for, change the self-talk from "I wish I could have one, but I can't," to "I could eat one if I want to, but I choose not to. I'd rather be healthy." Take back the power"

TAKE BACK THE POWER.
Until next time.

Clean-Eating

Since I found out I had mono, I've drastically changed my nutrition (on doctor's orders) to help with the tiredness, along with a couple of other tweaks. I'm about 10 days in and I already feel more energetic, like my old self, though I still have tired spells here and there. Today has been pretty rough, for example. And yesterday afternoon I crashed on the couch after work and woke up 2 hours later with a peacefully purring cat on my head.

A bunch of people have asked me what I'm eating. I suppose it comes as a shock in today's society when a doctor tells you to clean up your diet in order to combat an illness instead of prescribing medication. And she really drilled it into me... I mean, something actually clicked in my brain this time and I took her very seriously.

I don't really put this nutrition plan into any specific classification such as vegan, vegetarian or paleo... it's sort of a mixture of all of these, I guess. I've made my own tweaks according to what works for my body, personally. There has been some trial and error. When you plan your own nutrition, keep in mind that it's about a lifestyle, not a temporary "diet", and listen to your body's signals because your body knows what it needs and it will tell you.

I've had 2 epiphanies during this whole nutrition make-over thang:

1. There's a difference between feeling hungry and the feeling of your body digesting. Sometimes it can feel the same. I put myself on a schedule where I'm eating a few hundred calories every 2 - 2.5 hours, so I rarely feel hungry, but I can definitley feel my guts working to digest whatever I just ate. I used to think I was still hungry so I'd eat a little more. That was incorrect.

2. Shifting the way you think about food really helps! I've started planning my meals based on their nutrient value and what those nutrients can offer. I started researching how each macro (protein, carbs, fats) effects the body's processes. It's fuel to a machine. It's not something from which to draw comfort. It's not something to fend off boredom. It's not something you do because its a social convention (like popcorn and soda at the movies, or cookies and ice cream at a family gathering). You are in control of what goes into your body. Food is fuel, NOTHING MORE. This doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I love food and I love to eat. There are clean versions of your favorite things. It's also perfectly okay to treat yourself once in a while. But if you give it a chance, clean eating will convert you because it makes you feel so good, and that makes it worth skipping the cake!

Okay, the suspense is over! Here is the sh*t I eat! (Please keep in mind that some of these things that I avoid are because I'm avoiding gluten for my stomach, or because I'm avoiding them specifically related to contest prep)

- Lots and lots of vegetables. Mostly dark green leafies (spinach, kale, broccoli), limit sugary veggies like carrots and snap peas.
- Limit carbs to whole grain, slow-digesting carbs (sweet potatoes, whole grain english muffins)
- Stay away from refined/ processed/added sugar at all costs!! CUT THESE OUT (most cereals, white bread, white potatoes, white rice, white pasta, white flour tortillas, bagels, candy, pastries... I can't think of any more specifics at the moment, but you get the idea. If you question whether something falls into this catagory, ask me in the comments!)
- The previous were pretty obvious I think, but these are less obvious, contest specific: limit the following: ("wheat" sandwich bread, whole grain bagels and other breads, brown rice, whole wheat pasta, CORN... again, ask me your questions in the comments.)
- Limit dairy: (NO dairy milk, sour cream, most cheeses.) The only dairy I feed myself is plain greek yogurt and cottage cheese, and sparingly feta or mozzerella.
- No soy. (tofu, edamame, soy milk, soy yogurt) This one is specific to fertility and contest prep. Two birds with one stone. But kind of sad because I liked soy milk and edamame. Oh well.
- "So what do you have then??" Sugar-free, plain Almond Milk!!! and lots and lots of water! (90-100 oz/day)
- Healthy fats sparingly: avocados, fish, almond milk, nuts, real butter (gasp! yep, you read that right.)
- PROTEIN!!!!!!! (low-sugar protein powder, tuna, white fish like tilapia and cod, salmon, lean chicken and turkey, eggs - I am an advocate of eating the whole egg, although 'egg whites only' are great too.)
- Limit simple sugars from naturally occurring sources. i.e. fruit. I only eat fruit as a pre/post workout fuel/recovery. Here's why... Preworkout: Simple sugars digest very quickly and provide an energy spike which wakes up the body and jump-starts the metabolism. Post workout...simple sugars feed torn muscles, restoring muscle glycogen, which prevents muscle loss and encourages the body to burn excess fat as fuel, rather than muscle.

So there you have it. Protein, carbs and fats. To end, here are some fun facts that might surprise you.

1. Skim milk has AS MUCH SUGAR (lactose) AS WHOLE MILK. WTH?? Yep.
2. Carbohydrates are sugar. Sugar is a carb. They are the same thing. However, not all carbs are created equal, some are much more substantial  and hard-working than others.
3. 1 gram of protein = 4 calories
    1 gram of carbohydrate = 4 calories
    1 gram of fat = 9 calories
    1 gram of alcohol = 7 calories
*Alcohol is another one of sugar's clever disguises.*

Eat clean. Do it. Your bod will thank you.

Until next time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Positive Mantras

These have been my mantras lately. I have been practicing positive self-talk because I, like most of us I think, am prone to condemning myself for my own shortcomings or perceived failings. We call it humility, but its really self-hate. Humility is another thing entirely. And loving yourself is not the same as being prideful or conceited. God loves you. If He, a perfect, omniscient being, can love you in spite of all your flaws, why shouldn't you love yourself? Of course we have a desire to improve and that is a righteous desire. But it's impossible to accomplish if you are constantly berating yourself the whole time. Think of it this way: If your friends spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still be friends with them?

The mind is a powerful tool. You will become what you tell yourself you are. This concept is what inspires dedication and hard work. If you wait to start loving yourself until you have a perfect body (or whatever your issue is), you’ll never get there. Love yourself as you are, and always remind yourself that you can do anything you set your mind to. Believe in the person you want to become, and tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up, because you are so much stronger than you think.

Until next time.

An Update

As you know, I've been dealing with an unusual case of the "winter blues"; unusual because I'd never had a problem with it before. Well, I had high hopes that the symptoms would subside with the return of the sun and that has not happened. If anything, it's gotten worse, ironically. I decided to seek professional help because the debilitating exhaustion is impacting my life in a huge way and I could not tolerate it any longer.

I went to my doctor and got a blood test. Among the things she considered - depression, pregnancy (Ha!), hypothyroidism... was mono. I thought that sounded ridiculous because I'd never felt sick. But I just heard back from her this morning that all my levels are normal except my blood did test positive for mono.

So apparently, I've had mono all this time and had no idea. I knew mono could make you tired for weeks on end, but I honestly thought there were a host of symptoms that went along with it, including some sort of illness that would have kept me from going to work. But I never had anything like that, and she said that's normal. Strange.

However, it all fits into place. 1. I've never had seasonal depression before, why now, out of nowhere? 2. I've felt chronically worn out for no apparent reason for weeks... months... and it came on suddenly. 3. Loss of appetite. 4. Dehydration.

I'm relieved to finally know that it was something beyond my control and that I didn't just get lazy all the sudden, although it's frustrating that I can't take a magic pill to cure it and feel better instantly. It can take up to a year to feel normal again.

My doctor said that my best course of action will have to be to aggressively watch my nutrition (and start including B and D vitamin supplements), drink lots and lots of water, and of course, get plenty of sleep. (don't have to twist my arm on that one! in fact, I think I'll just lay my head down right now, just for a minute...) I'm very disappointed that I'll have to "take it easy" at the gym for a while longer. This is surgery recovery all over again! Haha.

To conclude, I'd like to appologize to all of you with whom I've frenched and shared a toothbrush. Sorry if I gave you mono... I promise it was a total accident. ;)

Until Next Time

Group Classes

Group classes are so great when I'm not in the mood to train myself. All I have to do is show up and follow the leader. I don't have think at all, but I still get a great workout. Usually.

Personally, I think that the instructor can make or break the class. I've considered becoming certified to be an instructor myself sometimes. After all, I did study personal training and class instruction in college. In my almost decade of experience, I've come up with criteria to judge whether or not I like a group class.

Today I planned to attend a yoga class after work specifically because the teacher is my favorite yoga teacher I've ever had. I looked forward to it all day. When I got there I discovered that there was a substitute, and I already knew I didn't like the way she taught.

I was so disappointed!! But I was determined to do some yoga anyway so that all my anticipation wouldn't feel wasted. I stayed for 30 minutes. I couldn't force myself to stay any longer.

While I nursed my disappointment on the drive home, I had the idea to write a post about the dos and don'ts of teaching group classes, or what I personally look for in an instructor, from the student's point if view.

So here they are.

Yoga Dos:
1. Do maintain a calming atmosphere and demeanor, including the tone and volume of your voice.
2. Do choose natural feeling, serene music that blends easily between songs.
3. Do progress slowly and patiently through each pose.
4. Do offer gentle guidance and form corrections.
5. Do call the poses by their real names, and teach us what they mean and what they do for your body.
6. Do the poses with the class. It's easier to follow you if we can see how it should look rather than try to decipher a spoken description.

Yoga Don'ts:
1. Don't move through poses so fast! Some of us are new to yoga and/ or not very good at following. Give us some time to catch up.
2. Don't wing it unless you know that you know exactly what you're doing, and have been teaching yoga so long you could teach it in your sleep.
3. Don't act like a drill sergeant. This is not kickboxing.
5. Don't be late for class, or cut it short.

And since I'm at it:

Spinning Dos:
1. Do get excited and have fun. Spinning is tough and I need all the motivation I can get.
2. Do plan the workout sequence to match each song. I find I can perform better if I know what's coming next and can mentally prepare.
3. Do add variety. I go to spinning for a whole body workout plus cardio in one.
4. Do choose high energy music with solid beats. Nothing is more motivating than pounding the pedals to a kickin' beat.

Spinning Don'ts (a lot are repeats):
1. Don't be late or end early.
2. Don't wing it. If you're lost, I'm lost. If I'm lost, I'm frustrated. If I'm frustrated, I'm angry, and if I'm angry, I'll leave and NEVER come back to your class.
3. Don't stop riding with us! We want to see that the workout is possible. If you can't even handle it, what makes us believe we can?

Until next time.

Decisions, Decisions…

Lately I’ve felt caught between a rock and hard place. Obviously the quote above can be applied to any aspect of life and rings true no matter what. But it seems I’m destined to learn this particular lesson the hard way.

You see, I grew up in a predominantly LDS family and society. As a child of such surroundings, we are taught from a young age (either purposely, or inadvertently) that this is the way our lives ought to go:

1.    Graduate High School
2.    Graduate College/ Go on a mission
3.    Get married
4.    Have kids

Lots of people tend to follow this plan without really meaning to, that’s just the way it happens. And that’s okay. But if things don’t fall properly into place this way, there is a lot of pressure that you must be doing something wrong, or maybe, perhaps, *gasp* you are the problem. You suddenly find yourself with some decisions to make, and realizations to come to.

We already know that my life hasn’t followed the pattern outlined above like I actually believed it would as a child. I have been left in the dust by 90% of my peers and that took some getting used to. I’ve come to accept my lot, which is half the battle. The other half is deciding what to do instead.

Originally, I had planned to train for a bodybuilding contest and compete on the amateur stage, thus achieving a dream I’ve been nursing for many, many years. I’d do this in the meantime while I waited to get pregnant, whatever that might entail. I figured it would be an excellent distraction from the stress involved with fertility treatment and give me something positive to focus on, all the while infertility would be “going on” in the background. I thought I had it all figured out. I need to learn that when this thought goes through your head, that is the very moment that you couldn’t be more wrong.

Now here’s where the rock and the hard place comes in: If you’re not aware, in order to compete in a bodybuilding comp, you’ve got to get your bodyfat percentage down into the teens, think between 16 – 18% for female competitors and in the single digits for male competitors. Conversely, you may or may not be aware that an ideal bodyfat percentage for getting pregnant is between 20 – 24%, roughly. And that’s for a normal, fertile woman. Being infertile, it’s even more critical for me to maintain that delicate balance, thus rendering the above-outlined plan completely ineffective.

So lately I’ve found myself at a crossroads. Do I put off or give up altogether my bodybuilding dream, or do I put off fertility treatments, knowing that risks only increase with age? I am rounding the corner on 30, after all. I know there are a lot of people who would say, “Why is this even a debate, are you crazy?? Obviously the right choice is starting your family! Give up on that stupid idea!”

Not so fast. To these people I say, you must not understand just how important achieving that dream is to me. It’s not something that randomly occurred to me one day out of the blue and I thought “Maybe that’d be cool if I did that one day.” No. It’s all I think about. Well, not all I think about, obviously, but truthfully it is on my mind just as much as infertility. And it has been at the forefront for almost a decade.

So this has been my struggle for the past few months. But I’m glad to report that I think I’ve finally made a decision and I think it’s the right one for me, at this time. I feel at peace with the decision and the pressure is officially gone.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

Until next time.